Pineapple Upside Down Cake by House of Cultivar
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we spank the dank. Our strain this evening is Pineapple Upside Down Cake, a strain too decadent not to indulge. A cross of Pineapple Trainwreck and Cookie Monster, in other words, a jungle of competing flavor. I can’t say I know what to expect. An offspring of two explosively unique parents, only time will tell which traits make the cut.
The aroma presents itself as an invigorating spurt of sappy sour. Underneath the pulpy mist of pineapple is an oozing hillock of tropical concentrate. The profile is so rich in the direction of a sugar rush it is as if Mountain Dew offered a dehydrated drink mix. Even the clapping powder screams with slicing citrus excitement and pushing pine froth. Whims of carving cool provokes and awakens my palate. A soft gnarled woody quality and a salty char.
The oozing sweet drive continues to develop, leaving a trail of tacky clean wax. In pursuit of the unfolding emphasis, I snap the flowers under my nose. A crumbled taffy texture laces a juicy fruit rawness through the porous breath. A tickling clap of tropical nettles ripple across my sinuses. A woody shelf falls like the blade of a bulldozer pushing through a grove of puckering blueberry sizzle. A cranking fruity shock wriggles through my nose, penetrating my whole body with a rubbery grease. Vaporous puddles of fruity gas now sit below the thrashed carcasses.
While PUDC demonstrates several distinct levels, the culmination is most consistently dry, woody, fruity, and tart. The abrasive interludes leave you craving to be grazed again by such oddly poised magnitude. The world feels empty until I can experience another rocket of jerking sour and flickering sweetness. Despite the serrated citrus resurgence, soft pillowy echoes of rounded earth clump in neutralizing protest. A hazy jet of crisp inspiration then offers a freefall into a buttery nest of chestnut warmth.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake (P.U.D.C.) proves to be so ‘upside down’ that it inverts its physical characteristics wildly from flower to flower. Most likely separate phenotypes, but still worth defining. One of the flowers is draped in a dripping cloak of plum projecting ghostly flames of blonde fire. The other, a more consolidated presence of soft pasterual greens and warm nacho fuzz. While understated, the vigor and structural integrity of the more verdant phenotype indicates that it more resembles the likely product of PUDC. A stalwart finger of concrete, packed tightly with worn eggplant, yellowing moss, and countless neutral splintering shades of green.
The more experimental and exciting specimen is the mysterious rounded pyramid. A stitched shade of sour color provides a stage to support the whooshing flames of white. Stout stigmas wind and snare into frantic arcs as they freeze into strained postures. Draining from a tangerine blonde fire to a drained white hot base, PUDC is combusting with personality. Resembling more of a water balloon or a pine cone structure, a good distance from its firm fingered sister. The shimmering squatted flower seems to plush it plumes outward like a miniature grenade. I can only contemplate what firepower awaits me as I calculate the countless trichome heads and visually measure the scintillating sheet of resin.
Leaf to flame, my tongue becomes raked over by a sour cucumber burn. Lured in by a disarming sweetness, the venus flytrap is sprung! Ensnared in a furnace of rubbery root, hashy soot builds a chalky dry crust of earth. Bursting through the surface is a burping geyser of sweet tang and rubbery spice. These notes are all felt distinctly while sharing no more than a single second.
A creation mocking a Willy Wonka marvel; each bite into this bizarre fruit flashes a universe of possibility before your tongue. A door cracked only for a split-second at a time, you’re doomed to only skim such boundless complexity. I heave myself at the bottomless cornucopia until I dig into a hearth of pickled cardboard nuttiness. I shiver from the snapping shift from neutral and cushioned to ferociously fresh. Burned slices of melon wade through a lake of shampoo chem funk. Only after you’ve experienced the countless offerings of fruit will you be allowed to detect the nutty vanilla cake batter essence. This profile has so many layers of flavor that it is an exhausting effort to attempt and catalogue them all.
The sensation begins so subtly that you may not catch onto its advances for some time. The sensation buds within through a series of emotional fortification. I feel so assured in my state of mind, if anything, I’m more engaged and further immersed in my personal reality. Each breath feels to hold more oxygen and the physical sensation of touch becomes amplified especially in the fingertips.
Contrarily, my eyes begin to wash over with emptiness and become useless. Miraculously this doesn’t seem to affect my ability to see. Unimpaired I feel my center of sight to now be my forehead; it is really less of seeing, more of knowing where everything was positioned in my personal environment. I meditate on the mapped emptiness as a teasing fluster winds in my cheeks, coaxing a crimped smile.
My eyes feel useless, but I have no trouble seeing. I feel as if I’m experiencing sight through my forehead, not so much as seeing, but just knowing exactly where I stand in correlation to my universe. Pinpointed in a boundless space, I feel reassured that I’m exactly where I need to be. This stalemate is shattered as my sinuses begin to purge in correlation with the bitterest climaxes of fruity flavor. An exhausting expedition offers only hibernation in response to the erratically powerful sativa.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake while wildly provocative and rich, is a little haphazard in the distribution of its concentrated efforts. While refreshing and sharp, the profile hesitates in committing to any direction as a baseline effort. Such scattered charisma leaves things to be desired in terms of delivery and thoroughness of experience. However, if you want to experience a heart pumping powerful sativa with little to no drawbacks, this strain is a godsend. As always, thanks for reading.
Pineapple Upside Down Cake score: 82/100
Aroma – 16
Physical – 17
Flavor – 15
Consistency – 18
Sensation – 16