Wowzers by Green & Gold Brands
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we blaze and appraise the hottest dank. Today, we will be putting another Green & Gold notch in our belt with their strain, Wowzers. Wowzers is the cross of Mike’s famous Strawberries & Cream crossed with the competingly popular Runtz. For those of you that care, this production measures at 32% total cannabinoids and 28% total THC. This strain is riddled with hype and promise, naturally I am eager to begin.
I approach the slumbering beast with great care, well aware of its potential. Gently ushering out from the jar is a tart and thick sweetness. An snowballing crescendo of sour french toast and a medley of bright berry. A musky pinch of damp pine gives way to a gushing gateway of milky gas. Curdled cream stirs with tight pseudo-citrus vapors to manifest a scathing essence of monstrous proportion.
Tangy and floral, Wowzers is instantly intensely reminiscent of so many Wonka candy products. I’ve found the common denominator to be the tangents of tart and vivacious fruit alongside the reflexive ropey sweetness of corn syrup. I try to stretch the tickling decadence of this realm across my nose, but must move on before I become consumed by the waves of cherry taffy. A tepid herbal girdle snares the playful fragrances together into one compact punch. The profile finishes into a dwindling mist of peppered pomegranate.
In hopes of grand discovery, I snap the frost-jacketed flowers beneath my nose. I become overwhelmed by an acute and savory bite of cherry lime. My nostrils feel as if they’ve been popped open by the carving scent. Slick and greasy, the candy continues to muster strength through forfeiting some of its puckering ferocity for tithes of effervescent lemon sugar. The candied veil eventually parts to reveal a landscape scarred by the tacky lashes of raw gas. Frothy fumes waft from the muck to tickle and sting my already exhausted sinuses. The resurgence settles gracefully back into a sleeve of floral tang with a willful rubbery expanse.
A shining example of genetic stability, Wowzers does indeed welcome one to say just that. Wowzers is a garden of swollen calyxes cemented together by crystallized vanilla foam. Tightly packed from its floor to the canopy, this strain offers only challenged views into its mantle. Architecture torn between a walnut and an olive, the flowers roll into determined pellets with bloated bellies and pinched tips.
A realm of riotous chaos is painted onto the faces of Wowzers. Countless colors, textures, shapes, and chromatic clashes bedazzle me. Unsure of where to start, I ground my eyes into the deep hearts of eggplant and plum. Unshifting anchors of lagooned grape jelly, I gradually navigate my way out from the syrupy sludge. Surrounding these pits of plum are tangled reeds of hardened pear, overcast lime, and mature mossy color.
The bouquet of somber greens are lit aflame by the kaleidoscope of trichomes storming every petal. Virtually every visible surface is distorted by the creamy resinous static. In addition to the star-spangled strangle; are the sizzling strands of dry orange heat clawing across each face. Somewhat cemented by the unrelenting resin, the orange embers bridge as short staples. Awkward nets attempting to comb over and conceal certain junctures behind its brushy brilliance. Vivid, sometimes twinkling, a jacket of enchanting fragility advertises an otherwise intimidating jungle of swallowing depth.
Leaf to flame, I feel a punch at the back of my throat before I manage to taste anything. An instant later, the barbed froth of skunked strawberries and gaseous cherry spill past my lips. Cumulative candied tang digs its claws into my tongue; raking along as the slicing syrup repaves my palate. Milky, raw, spicy, and fresh. Wowzers is like a milkshake packed with kiwis, limes, hops, roses, and pine nuts.
Snowbanks of powdered confectionery accumulate on my tongue. Mounds of feathery sweetness stir with the enchanting sour rigidity of sour citrus to birth a crystalline mist of laundry detergent and tropical smooth. A warm berry zest boils these notes into one ambiguous tide. The waves of sweet peppered grease are fanned forward by cinders of woody splinters until its final breaths. Ultimately, the profile of Wowzers is most simply described as a lime wrapped in a lavender dryer sheet.
The first thing that I notice is a lubricated confidence. Immensely confident, I feel capable of chasing any endeavor and finding the end in any pursuit. Such emotional liberty purges my system of all anxieties and self-proposed inadequacies. Shedding twenty pounds at a time, unburdened by mental baggage, I can exist as my purest self.
An unfamiliar tranquility occupies my mind with mystifying humidity, I struggle to find reason through the mist. One veil lifts, another falls, I suppose. Temporarily, I neglect my world of external stimuli to appreciate my unobscured spyglass angled at my own soul. The further I allow myself to sink into the meditative depths, I feel my head rewarded with an assuring squeeze. I am gradually being cocooned by a down feather blanket from the head down. At the moment, I am currently only dawning an unwieldy turban of emotional sobriety.
As the sensation continues to blossom, I feel an electric focus bridge across my nose. Invisible eyes bloom on the bridge of my nose, I draw my weary eyelids close to utilize my new serpentine senses. Feeling capable of navigating the atmosphere through electrical impulses and temperature, I dare not test this bizarre sentiment. However, it does bode to the oneness you feel with your surroundings while under the embrace of Wowzers. Your body is peeled away to reveal a vulnerable ego, it is then extracted so that you may experience the bliss of existing free of expectation or self-deception.
I’m probably supposed to say Wowzers, but I’m going to say “Holy Shit” instead. This is the third strain I’ve smoked from Green & Gold, but this one is the best by a mile. I need to get my hands on the next round of genetics of Exoticgenetix because these guys mean business. I am absolutely impressed by this strain in terms of flavor and sensation; a true all-star. As always, thanks for reading.
Wowzers score: 96/100
Aroma – 19
Physical – 20
Flavor – 19
Consistency – 18
Sensation – 20
Stay high and stay blessed,
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