UK Cheese by Pure Funk llc.
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted for the continued Pure Funk parade. We are now brought to the strain that got my attention in the first place, UK Cheese. While well-deserving of its notoriety, there is still not much specificity to be offered about this strain. A cross of cheese and cheese; UK Cheese is simply another estranged descendent from Skunk #1. Only a well-vetted nose can decipher up from down while deep in a river of cheese. I’ve waited a long time to encounter a quality cut of UK Cheese in the Pacific Northwest. No longer must I anticipate this magical moment!
I launch myself at UK Cheese ready for all that it can muster. Ripping through the atmosphere, I encounter buffeting pockets of tangerine zest that ripple out over a field of righteous funk. A tropical dank, like composted skins of pomegranate. Building from the alluring foul is a woodland sour familiar to grape leaves or skunk cabbage. A berry sobriety rolls out from the taunting musk. The dispersed citrus is anchored by the biting acuity of acai and tart grape.
A tapestry of mossy musk unveils an herbal snowcone of sugary delight that gradually melts unto a brittle cheesy floor. Crunchy, soft, and sweet, the pureed fairy brandishes a bouquet of complexity amidst the funky bellows. A tacky cough syrup echo hangs like a halo over the thunderclaps of fruity dank. In the wake, the mildest sendoff of nougat or almond butter conjures an uplifting greasy kiss.
In hopes of forcing UK Cheese to unleash withheld musk, I crumble the fortress beneath my beak. Disrupting the dormant bed of piney sour unleashes a hellstorm of Fruit Loops. Absurdly grainy and sweet; I’m being pummeled by a club of frothy fruit, not gnarly skunk! A lime briskness ushers me to a lagoon of shampoo sweetness. An unpleasantly potent tincture derived from lemon, strawberry, cherry, and lime. At this moment, the lingering rim of cough syrup grape across a basin of sandalwood is the only remaining wisp of foulness. When agitated, UK Cheese discards any hints of foulness to pursue an explosive line of pillowy strawberry and sour cream.
Plastered into a orange-veined brick, UK Cheese fills out every available space within its structure. Despite my best effort the flush flesh restricts my views to surface contact for the time being. Cheesy stigmas of vigorous proportion meld over any potential gaps in the impenetrable platemail. Much like a chunk of cheese, this strain seems to block into unwieldy slabs of clumped verdancy. Despite the self-assured structure, there is something about these buds that make the calyxes appear like they are ready to roll off into your hand. There is certainly one way to test this theory, I assault the most reaching calyx. A tease in essence, my tugs are met with much snug resistance and I am left with a thick adhesive film on my fingertips.
One of the frostiest phenotypes of UK Cheese that I’ve ever seen, it makes sense why the tacky resin soaks my fingers with minimal interaction. Tainted by the roaring orange hairs, the trichomes reflect a sun-bleached yellow hue. The scheming sunrise that paints the canopy of this flower offers bold contrast to the flesh below. A salad of rich greens, UK Cheese is a mangled mass of pine, olive, moss, and pickled pear. A gloomy knot of verdancy decorated with countless glistening beads. I may very well need a knife to carve into this hunk of Cheese.
Leaf to flame, my tongue sizzles from peppered skunky musk. Cementing its sweeping advance is a popsicle stick bounce of grape. The soaked juices fan an awkward tang deep into my tastebuds. The paving calm is disturbed by a cardboard acidity spearing into the back of my throat.
A tepid fog washes over the carving texture. The creeping kindness wafts forth the subdued sweetness of strawberries and honeydew melon. Furthering the fruity dominance are heavy kernels of dank blueberry. Brewing a sunken cool alongside an electric berry pucker whips up a far-fetched impression of skunk.
Drawing nearer to moldy Fruit Loops, I am reined back into the warm arms of roasted grain against field grass after a fresh rain. The contradiction proves to be delectable and refreshing on the tail of such a sour and fiery exhibition. As the bowl chars, the fruity charms are discarded and you are left with a muddled black of hashy earth with a mild tropical bounce. While teasing across the rim of Skunk for mere moments, I’d felt the spectrum of Cheese mostly untouched. This strain is marvelously fruitier than I’d ever expected.
A blanketing fog weaves across my eyes, painting the landscape with ghostly tracers. Milky wisps soften all surfaces, obscuring them with a smoky indefinable edge. Embracing this pillowy dimension, my mind nestles into a nook of carefree creativity. My mind conjures silly thoughts of poor design and sophomoric intent, just to score a chuckle. The aloof inebriation may become dangerous if not in familiar comfort because UK Cheese coaxes you to speak your mind whether those thoughts be well-formed or not. I am drawn to dive deeper into the gloating sense of divulging comfort.
The more I spew my mind unto the unwilling the more a bandage of snug warmth snares around my head. As if UK Cheese is goading me on in demand of more cackle-littered nonsense. As the ethereal scarf stretches around my skull it leaves a snail’s trail of euphoria. The disarming slime seeps into my body, dispersing its psychedelic comforts throughout my limbs. My joints tingle as they embrace the awkward intensity and become limber. My aches and pains melt away like microwaved cheese, I only hope the melting stops there. The initial muse of reckless confidence tires out and I’m left marooned in my cocoon of comfort. I’d become betrayed by the roaring rise and left to recover in helpless sloth.
Pure Funk’s UK Cheese is a fascinating experience. Enjoy a plethora of soft and lancing fruit influence across a bed of moldy dank musk. This was certainly one of the frostiest specimens of UK Cheese I’ve ever come across and some of these photos were astounding. While this phenotype didn’t exactly serve my memory justice, it did show me how versatile this cross can be. Funky fruit is beyond cool with me. As always, thanks for reading.
UK Cheese score: 87/100
Aroma – 17
Physical – 20
Flavor – 16
Consistency – 18
Sensation – 16
Stay high and stay blessed,