Miracle Whip by ZoZ Cannabis
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we continue our expedition into the ZoZ lineup. This industry offers many mysteries and those mysteries extend to the strain we’re reviewing today. The lineage of Miracle Whip is a riddle I am eager to unravel, but for now, we must accept this flower at face value. There is only one operating certainty; that cannabis from ZoZ will be flavorful and unabashedly clean. Now, watch me whip.
I peer into the vessel to become charmed by arms of light pickled cream and a pseudo-citrus sour. The froth spills outward offering small allowances of marshmallow confectionary accented by a wheaty bounce. A graham cracker crunch snaps out half-hearted bites of sappy woodland gas. A forested foulness that coerces the procession to pivot its position. The pickled tang becomes aerated and lighter to embody qualities familiar to a sweet haze or dutch strain. The entire profile becomes mutated by this transformative terpineol-pinene blend. The geyser of exuberant zest lies in wait only of those who muster the courage to venture past the waterfall of creamed grain.
In committed pursuit, I break the bud under my nose. The leafy nodes whirl with a creamy hoppy sour and dedicate all other energy towards fueling the gassy citrus furnace. The culmination is an enchantingly odd slurry of egg nog, tree bark, and whispers of mint that are all swaddled into one blanket of earthen hash. The fractures continue to flow, snowballing pungency in the form of the uplifting hazy tang. Crisp leafy freshness intervenes and slices the enticing musk into halves. A sandwich of savory exuberation; containing slices of dutchy cocoa, tangerine, and creamy stinging vapor.
An atmosphere of irradiated emerald pulses through every fiber of Miracle Whip. A bouquet of color that lingers willfully between the complection of The Hulk and a weathered chartreuse. The potent spriggans appear armored by a gnarled leafy exterior. As if plumes of magma were flash frozen, Miracle Whip appears both flowing and hardened. Countless cowlicks and spikes paint the landscape with riotous features that are further accentuated by the relentless droves of frost.
Stampeding trichomes pile over one another to feed the aura of auspicious white. It appears that even the stigmas have been bulldozed over by the rolling rigidity of Miracle Whip. The lone wanderers are less like hairs and more like stubble. The stigmas I manage to uncover are withered bronze shrimps desperately attempting to stand out, only to be buried by the smothering lush.
Arced spears of translucence add much desired contrast to the drained verdancy below. Beneath the clashing psychoactive stratus, I am now able to discern deep sinking shades of moss and olive. The demeanor of Miracle Whip appears to be set in stone, however, there may just be countless caverns worth exploring. To the same end, one must question the integrity of a strain with such physical boisterousness. A quick squeeze determines that these flowers may’ve been fashioned from impenetrable steel, the flesh demonstrates a resolve unfamiliar even to many of the world’s most formidable indica strains.
Leaf to flame, my tongue becomes scalding by fresh plumes of steamy herb. A whirling vortex of mint, chamomile, chem, and echoing black pepper. The cleansing ferocity is mitigated by cereal grain sweetness and clamoring moist leaf. As the storm settles, the balance offers a cool icy slurry.
A vanilla milkshake slowly dribbling over wet rock. Fangs of brittle hash pierce into flowing glands of maple acidity and subdued blueberry burps. The tone shifts, I become receptive to an estranged line of mossy musk and frills of tepid strawberry. Only footprints of citrus gas linger as the profile belts out its last cry.
If my body were just a pond, my mind is now a cold stone is crashing through the surface tension. My perspective becomes drowned in shadow as I drowsily free fall towards the chilling emptiness of its depths. Just before I become consumed by a meditative trance, my plummeting spirit is brought to resurface through a familiar boiling kindness. Bubbling back to normalcy; my charisma, awareness, and ambition feel like jacuzzi jets hammering euphoria through my capillaries.
I find myself excavating a drained ocean; having natural paths to information or memories that are typically buried under thousands of leagues of being. Life is long and burdensome, humans are known to bury past controversies only to have them unwilling dredged up from their subconcious. In a roundabout way, Miracle Whip grants you access to an unshakeable calm and forgiving confidence. Assess your deepest traumas so that when the oceans are replenished and access is obstructed; the subconscious will find alleviation phantom pains of past.
Miracle Whip doesn’t allow you to be the most articulate during your alternating descent and then rise to madness. Personally, I’ve found that my naturally esoteric descriptions seem evermore alienating. Every thought that crawls through my brain feels as if it has to fight through a moat of tar. I currently greet rational thought with the same optimism I’d apply to fishing a star out of the night sky. What began as belligerent and mending inspiration had briskly shifted to a pit of quelling quicksand. Only drowsiness and vacant stares are allowed to exist within the terminal realm of this high.
Miracle Whip is both literally and figuratively overflowing with personality. Born of immense density and savory flavor, this strain is one worth knowing. While the parent strains are still a mystery, I would commend this strain for being an anchoring indica. While spurts of energy do exist within this ride, they are drowned out in overwhelming force. As always, thanks for reading.
Miracle Whip score: 85/100
Aroma – 17
Flavor – 14
Consistency – 19
Sensation – 15