Confetti Cake by H.O.C.

Confetti Cake (Watermelon Zkittlez) by House of Cultivar

Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we highlight the dankest corners of Washington while illuminating strains only thought to exist in fantasy. Today, in particular, this strain piques my interest. Watermelon Zkittlez, to be released as Confetti Cake, is the ferociously loud cross of Watermelon Zum Zum #3 and OZ Kush. I will provide additional tiers to the lineage because even to me that amounts to a mound of nonsense.

Even the depths of Seedfinder offer virtually nothing about Watermelon Zum Zum, however, I can confirm that OZ Kush is the cross of OG Eddy/OG Eddy Lepp and the famous Zkittlez. Only House of Cultivar could have genetics so hot that they escape the internet. I am drawn to Zkittlez like an enamored mosquito to a lantern. Let’s get down to business.

I plunder the jar for fragrance, becoming ravaged by scraping hillocks of floral honey and a musky grain knuckle. My palate is overrun by the grit of threshed sugar wheat. The tilling earth preoccupies my senses long enough to allow a slippery snake of sour to slither up from beneath. The snaring intensity coerces me to smile as my muscles are locked from the confectionery constriction. Pulverized by gooey berry and churning waves of maple syrup, I actively struggle to stay above the entombing aroma.

The true essence of Zkittlez looms in the distance, teasing me with wafts of its puckering juicy whims. I heave my nose at the sensation, desperate to absorb as much of the enchanting tang as possible. A fluent juicy liquid cool drags me away from the molten floral resonance. It has become clear to me that I must tear through to the core of Confetti Cake’s essence.

Dismantling the geode results in bursts of pulpy briskness. The ambiguous tart fruit hangs in the air accented with the allure of a morning woodland chill. Beads of moist cherry and subdued grape cling to the pooling sylvan damp. Savory and tart, I have stumbled into the heart of a blackberry bush riddled with gaseous herb. Sweet, sour, and luscious; the fruity slurry is pitted against the tireless resistance of a withheld gluey gas. A tacky tapestry that studs itself with juicy ornaments. Confetti Cake is the epitome of ‘bittersweet’.

It is hard to believe that this strain has any Zkittlez lineage with how beautiful it appears. For a notoriously scraggly strain, this strain houses countless clean resin-flooded shelves. Maintaining a pudgy demeanor, the rising scales roll outward to the degree of an acorn. The rotund foliage charges at the base, pulsing with dry pear and weathered lime. As I approach the peak, the verdancy falls to drained plum straits and frozen pine droves. An eerie aura is projected from the soft purple tones, the top of each flower seems to bask under its own peach halo.

Scaling the crystal-crusted crest are stout stigmas aflame with bold orange. Arms carved out of Doritos crane upward as if trying to steal away the ominous aura. Their spawning sporadic, the hairs are made to appear evermore explosive in their concentrated bursts. Confetti Cake carries itself delicately, but is the structure as fragile as it seems? A series of tender squeezes confirms a crunchy compression of freshness and a moderate density. The tensile strength is reminiscent of a mildly sativa-dominant hybrid.

Leaf to flame, my mouth is skewered by needles of lemongrass. Slick lime slime oozes from my wounds, tainting my tongue with a resilient tang. Cemented under citrus Jell-O, my taste buds squirm trying to surface above the entombing sweetness. Ripping through the gelatinous cool are torrents of flaming floral tang. Simultaneously scorched and satisfied, my senses are utterly abused. In short time I develop a taste for the punishment, riding the duration of the lacerating curls of fruity devastation. My taste buds are petrified by the immortal roasted lavender breath.

As the dust settles, there it is, a bounty of sweet Zkittlez essence tingling the tip of my tongue. My lust is reinforced ten-fold, desperate to be drowned in the savory berry muck. As I exhale, I’m revisited by the same enlivening herbal lance, but the cloud acts as a boomerang. The wandering cloud returns home rich with serrated citrus and buoyant peppered zest. It is truly bizarre how the cloud departs my breath and then the true peak is when the flavor seems to meander home seconds after exhalation.

My thoughts begin to feel cloudy as my head swells to the dimensions of a watermelon. I feel cavernous space behind my ears, populated by the cool of emptiness. As my temples continue to swell, I draw my focus toward my center. Utilizing the portions of my mind that aren’t augmented by the bloating chill. I feel focused, unflinching, and fierce.

Though playful in nature, I feel a pinpoint seriousness associated with my newfound mentality. In this moment, my thoughts could cut through matter like a razor. Thoughts commonly as solid as mud now land as surefooted as stone. Senses of comprehension and cognition are drawn to span ages of wisdom. A foreign sense of permanence is woven into all of my conceptions of reality. Disillusions of grandeur and manifestation rise to their respective peaks.

Indulging in my pharaoh feelings, I now trace the slippery sinew warming my skin. An invisible glaze tingles my flesh and soothes my bones. My body still functional and primed, I feel no call to react, drained of instinctual drive. If this strain installs a god-complex, it is one akin to Bacchus; a lazy overindulgent party-goer.

I don’t know about Watermelon, but there is a symphony of tart fruity delight at work within the orchestra of Confetti Cake. This strain is a tart delight that you really have to spark up to appreciate. The flavor is unique and durable while accommodating an impressive high. Clear Zkittlez influence makes this strain worth anyone’s time. House of Cultivar can’t seem to miss lately. Be sure to grab any of the new genetics pouring out of the facility in the next couple months! As always, thanks for reading.

Confetti Cake score: 89/100

Aroma – 14

Physical – 19

Flavor – 18

Consistency – 20

Sensation – 18

Stay high and stay blessed,

Kushman Bonglegs

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