Ice Cream Cake by Northwest Connoisseurs
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we take the cake in strain analysis. Pun fully intended, we will be tearing through Ice Cream Cake. I don’t typically review a brand twice in such close succession, obvious circumstances excluded, but Northwest Connoisseurs has a tantalizing lineup. I find it peculiar that their flower finds its way through both bags and jars in the eighth increment. The nugs seem to be preserved well-enough, but bags always make me wary of flat-faced flowers.
This strain is an indica-dominant cross of Wedding Cake x Gelato. I was perplexed as to why this had the exact lineage as Gelato Cake. My investigation left me to understand that this is the Wedding Cake dominant phenotype while Gelato Cake leans towards Gelato. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to weigh the phenotypes against each other. This particular production reads in at 19.4% total cannabinoids and 16.6% total THC. Let’s burn it down.
I pop the bag to discover a realm of bright floury sour. Meadows of sun-beaten cake batter pucker as the confectionary ferments; melting into my nostrils. A puddling putty of savory floral hash stirs with dank vanilla. A musty creamy spice that slathers over the jagged points of the profile. The introduction is sweet and syrupy garnished with a glazed crunch.
The assertive decadence is disrupted by a distant chemmy grove. Luscious wisps of gas tease out their scathing allure. Sadistic sensibilities leave me chasing the heart of the pine-eucalyptus tomb. The intensity magnifies to brandish a cinnamon whip. Wounds lacerated with a dry sour grit then quickly cooled by a dampening cool.
As regal as ever, Ice Cream Cake falls perfectly in line to pay tribute to the classic Wedding Cake architecture. Bloated spear tips jut forth to carve a slow rounded edge. The stretching petals of Ice Cream Cake fan upward, overlapping into an impenetrable artichoke. Scintillating scales decorate the willful lattice of leaves. A haze of milky gold washes over the verdant crust. Stocky resin glands gather in rioting clusters. An illuminating mirror that gleams across the somber surface.
At the base of Ice Cream Cake; the demeanor is warm with hazy lime and yellowed pine. As my eyes crawl up the plump pyramid, I notice the landscape leans into darker hues. The closer to the crown, the further the pine dements into menacing purple and the lime is saturated into olive dimensions.
Much to my astonishment, I struggle to locate a single hair on these flowers. A few lone rangers stand to be discovered, but in large, these heads are barren. Wedding Cake was never a particularly fuzzy flower, but this seems a bizarre exaggeration of that trait. What stigmas I do find; are wimpy whiskers that pounce only a short distance. A delicate burnished red accent to muddy the shadowy climax.
Leaf to flame, I’m skewered by needling tenderness of herbal tang. The paralyzing embrace is softened by pillowy heaps of lemon-crusted grain. An ocean of sweet syrup is unearthed, my tastebuds drown in the weighted bog of dirty cream. I slosh to the banks, grinding across a bed of hashy ripe tang. I claw across the terrain only to roll deep into a furnace of penetrating afghan pepper.
Sylvan songs bleed away to feed a crisp citrus purge. The expulsion is characterized by a nullifying spurt of cleaning agent slickness. Misty herb akin to tea leaves, eucalyptus, and spoiled menthol. The profile shifts frequently but consistently touches on buoys of sweet spice and acidic gas. I find my vulnerability to the singeing gas compounds with every bowl. The scathing freshness grows exponentially more asphyxiating the longer you entertain the demented pleasures of Ice Cream Cake.
Fans of turbulent wind rattle my physical form. I find myself marooned at the center of a cool vortex., the swarming nexus of cool is only inhibited by a willful warmth surmounting in my skull. My limbs fall to a strange numbness as my focus is drawn to become a lantern of inspiration. Sweltering transcendence eliminates drowsiness and discards my headaches and tensions. The disarming exuberance builds to thaw my extremities from their ghostly prison and imbuing my nerves with a rubbery groove.
The tingling buzz draws ridges across my temples, piling callouses over my link to this bizarre power. The connection gradually draws to a close. My exhausted battery anchored to a limp meat-husk. I heave every remaining ounce of energy at keeping my head above my shoulders. Ice Cream Cake draws out all of your energy in a stretch of flurried enthusiasm. A delightful rush that leaves you docile and drowsy.
If only I could scream for more of this ice cream. Ice Cream Cake by Northwest Connoisseurs did far from disappoint. A milky display of vivacious kushy qualities delivered a rollercoaster of thrilling euphoria. I will be sure to keep my eye on this brand as I walk into the future. Exotic genetics and a quality cure, what’s not to like? As always, thanks for reading.
Ice Cream Cake score: 88/100
Aroma – 18
Physical – 19
Flavor – 18
Consistency – 15
Sensation – 18
Stay high and stay blessed,