Wifi OG by H.O.C.
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we press on to discover the latest and dankest. Today, will herald our continuation through a slew of new House of Cultivar genetics. Here, is Wifi OG. Wifi OG, or White Fire OG, is the indica-dominant cross of The White and OG Kush. This cut specifically, is Wifi #43 OG. This is a magnificent strain that I have some prior experience with and I can only imagine the vigor that Cultivar has renewed within it. Let’s set fire to this fire.
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I am lured into the jar by a siren song of sweet and savory notes. I discover an embankment of caramelized earth. A dry rind coaxes along a light spice as the sandbar shifts into a juicy bog of endless depths. The culmination is like berries that have been rolled in mud then left to ferment in a wooden cask. As the concoction brews, it emanates a lancing herbal sweetness. The profile of Wifi OG is so rich that it is simultaneously staggering and alluring.
A light peppercorn gas brews in the distance, I hear the crackling clouds coasting over the bed of savory dry hash. A chocolate bar with menacing intentions. A sugary subdued citrus crusts around the profile, entrapping the slurry within its silent ridges of crystalline musk. Radiating from the quieted pulp is a nuanced acute earthy sour. An abrasive last gasp from the fragrant body.
In retaliation, I dismantle the largest flowers under my nose. A gluey gas gushes out from the wound, ushering in a new era of hammering freshness. Raw herbal qualities wring out within the gaseous tail. Its raw eminence rains its raw funk down unto the thirsty bed below. The longer the voracious fumes entwine with open air, they gradually molt to entertain a bubbly sour. Citrus and Spearmint that have fallen into a vat of Elmer’s Glue. When the fog of war clears and the gaseous notes settle; syrupy qualities wash over the battlefield. A salve of sweetness gifted to my palette for withstanding the violent siege.
Where to begin with the charming demeanor of Wifi OG? I would have to say the most stand-out feature is the rich spectrum of color. Murdering eggplant twists with plum to create a murky midnight sky. Leaking out from the clashing shades are tithes of rich green. Healthy pine streaks towards groves of fresh pear. The colors alternate wildly, however, it seems the purple hues tend to crown the flowers. Nuzzled between the bulbous peaks of Wifi OG are tufts of rusted bronze hair. Thin stigmas spawn in twos and threes; flickering flames dancing upon the sunken canvas.
Trichomes storm in dense clusters upon the petals. Sparkling white heads greet my glance as they roll between my fingertips. The trichomes appear especially thick in their stalks, but that could be an illusion generated by the somber decor. The resin glands spawn in such numbers that the natural foliage appears ‘dusted’ or weathered. The flowers build into pyramid-like cones of considerable bulk and modest height. I’d expected immense density based on the lineage, however, Wifi OG entertains a gentle squish. The verdancy collects itself into a leafy bulwark quickly, but I was impressed by the influence of my advances. This strain seems to lead more towards a hybrid rather than a full-blown indica as some sources accept.
Leaf to flame, an emissary of savory earth approaches. I receive gifts of sugary crispness; notes that fringe on mint or menthol. The precession is followed by a nose-pinching honed gassy note. The crispness expands as the bowl chars, cementing intentions of a gassy conquest. A gluey citrus bubbles forward. Unfading, the corrosive fluid builds exponentially. My mind traces the flavorful doom that is burying my tongue. My delicious demise blossoms to entertain a peppery cough of blackened hash. Dry afghani kisses slide down a chute of greasy herb.
Just as I thought I’d deciphered the pattern, I am blindsided by a missile of classic OG Kush influence. Staked to the wall, my tongue is saturated with the simmering limonene acidity. An herbal muddy damp hangs on my breath for an eternity, revealed in pockets between the annihilating blows of OG influence. The flavor profile, as a whole, holds on well throughout the bowl and I would venture to say that it may even improve the longer it simmers in its own juices. Wifi OG is a treat in every sense of the word.
It becomes immediately apparent that this strain is a disaster for concentration. It’s become impossible to focus on what I’m doing as my mind spins wildly out of order. Reeling from the sporadic inspiration, I am forced to hold onto only what I can feel. A tender massage of numbing needles coaxes along my skin. Puncturing my tensions and anxieties. I recline into a field of nonexistence.
My body shivers, but not from cold. Perhaps in instinctual anticipation of the physical ravaging that was to come. I feel the joints and muscle tissue holding my bones together feather out of existence. An invisible grease now takes their place, a lubricating euphoria that gives my vertebrae a snakelike feeling. I wriggle and writhe in my computer chair as I struggle to regain my mind.
My skull feels to an empty cavern rather than a storage vessel for data and thought. Under the right conditions, I may even hear the whistling wind as it passes through my ears. My vacant brain draws my attention to my eyes that now have accumulated the weight of cannonballs. Unlike most scenarios when I’m talking about my eyelids being heavy, I’m actually noting my eyeballs themselves. I feel as if they were replaced with iron bearings when I was distracted. The high as a whole, has this oddly distributed weight and slick delivery. It is hard to get a solid grasp on the slushing sensation, so you are largely subjected to its inherent whims.
I try to rarely use this descriptor, but… This weed is fire. I didn’t even realize the pun I’d just made until now. Anyway, White Fire OG from House of Cultivar is an absolute monster and surely one of my new favorites. Perhaps even taking the place of Dosidos in my heart. Those close to me know the gravity of that assertion. You have to try this whenever it is available to you. It will fry your tongue with flavor and bring you back to days of childlike innocence. As always, thanks for reading.
Wifi OG score: 95/100
Aroma – 18
Physical – 19
Flavor – 20
Consistency – 20
Sensation – 18