Glazed Apricot Gelato by House of Cultivar
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we pull out the big guns. I have an exceptionally special specimen for this evening’s review. Glazed Apricot Gelato is one of the latest in a line of insane flavor experiments brewing over at House of Cultivar. I’ve never encountered such a complex spin on Gelato and I am dangerously eager to delve into it. Glazed Apricot Gelato is the culmination of Gelato and Legend Orange Apricot F2. I couldn’t fathom what more I could possibly ask for. Let’s get the scoop on this Gelato.
I uncork the vessel to uncover a lively realm of pulpy fruit and expansive pine adrenaline. A feathery tang is strewn about the air like a thick web. A sticky numb citrus leaks from the lining, creating a buoyant boundary of delicate influence. A damp crispness keeps the profile focused and cohesive. The arena empowers the more subtle notes within the profile. Among the contenders, a bubbling sweetness akin to peach seltzer roars with wild ferocity.
I find with time, the light-hearted fruity aspects gather grit and intensity. The initial peach fuzz has since doubled-down in terms of intensity. At this strain’s furthest reaches, the profile teases forth a light notion of crumbling earth. I give chase to the taunt, severing the largest flower under my nose. Plumes of acute zest erupt from the freshly forged fracture. An overwhelmingly bright geyser of explosive pulp of corrosive pine. The resurgence is like a heavy rain infused with Windex. The augmented nature of Apricot Gelato pulses with livelihood.
I’m unfamiliar with Legend Orange Apricot F2, but its influence is immediately present. Miles away from your average Gelato phenotype; the cola births acute spear tips of bulbous vigor. The heavyset spires heave nodes of bulky petals upward, constructing a glorious monument of color. The entire spectrum is frozen into place, glazed over by ranks of snowy resin. The trichomes rake relentlessly over every visible fiber of this strain, locking the petals into a glistening stasis.
A worn crocodile cloud paints a majority of the star-speckled monolith. Imbued with an eerie blue glow, the remaining leaf hangs somewhere between a waning purple and suffocated lime. The most lively aspect of the flower is the rambunctious population of stigmas. A lightning storm of khaki orange; the arms weave at wild lengths. A scattered heap of spider legs cast across the driven snow.
When testing the density of the flower, I expected the spread structure to be a nod towards fragility. I was surprised to find that this is the point where the Gelato influence becomes ever-present. Not even the most fringe extremities will forfeit ground to my pressing advances. I am left only with defeat and an impressively sticky resin tracing my fingertips.
Leaf to flame, I guzzled down a syrupy smooth tincture. The awkward bulk trudges across my palette leaving feathered tangerine chunks. The discarded fruit sings with the rotund resonance of apricot. Even to the degree of its signature white grape-esque sour. As the smoke matures, the flavor more closely emulates dried apricot. The dehydrated note is gnarled with sweetness.
The continuous fruity kiss expands to entertain a powdery sweet finish. A proud clap of floured sugar. It isn’t long before the pleasantries are cast aside and I am faced with the true beast from behind the curtain. I am blindsided by a rich knuckle of fiery hash. A blackened blast of dry afghan soot. I shake off the hit, still mildly dazed by the blow. Rich earth tills in the wake of every hit, I feel my tastebuds continually bulldozed over by boulders of savory decimation. As the bowl chars, the profile evolves to entertain a sour bite. My facial expression is warped by the shocking bitter finish.
It does not take long for the tendrils of Glazed Apricot Gelato to sink into your brain. I feel my typically soaring mind gradually stall. I find myself soon plummeting in slow-motion, receding far into the depths of consciousness. It is apparently no longer the time for conscious thought, but for wide-eyed observance of the profound sensations that will ensue. A ricocheting pellet of tickling euphoria rebounds endlessly through my body. Every area affected is instantly soothed by a cool numbness. My joints are gradually worn away into balls of useless gelatin. I am not going anywhere anytime soon.
A blanketing shadow wraps around my head, depressing it with invisible pressure. The swaddling comfort siphons away all ambition. It isn’t long before I desire nothing more than to waste away in this state of blissful paralysis. A bear taking great satisfaction in the moments before a properly stoked hibernation. I fight to keep my head from crashing into my keyboard. The supernatural gravity of the high intensifies, making it nearly impossible to move my extremities. The embrace of Glazed Apricot Gelato falls like a hammer, this high isn’t for the weak-hearted.
This strain revives the old term ‘faded’. Faded is exactly what you will be if you dare cross the boundary into the world of Glazed Apricot Gelato. An immensely stony high is brought on by this misleadingly aromatic harbinger. I’d highly recommend this strain to anyone who has insomnia or is even the slightest bit hyperactive. This strain is very clear with its intent and clean within its delivery. For those left standing after a couple bowls of this one, I salute you. As always, thanks for reading.
Glazed Apricot Gelato: 93/100
Stay high and stay blessed,