toasted n’ posted proudly presents…
DOPE CUP EDITION
by House of Cultivar
Strawberry Cheesecake by House of Cultivar
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted for a very special Dope Cup Edition post! We will be reviewing the very same strain that won first place for indoor sativa at this year’s 2018 Dope Cup. House of Cultivar deserves every accolade they receive as they continue to push the envelope with intense terpene combinations and provocative sensations. For a brand that rarely ever misses their mark, I’m sure excited to crack open what others deem an award-winning strain.
Let’s see if the opinions of the alleged master judges match the opinion of the true master… Arrogance aside, my excitement is spurred on by the provocative lineage that created Strawberry Cheesecake. We are looking at the sativa offspring of UK Cheese and Strawberry Cough. These are two notoriously funky strains and I’m sure they will not hold back! I’m familiar enough with both parents enough to know each strain holds wild variance dependent on the phenotype. I cannot wait to see which qualities step forward in this nuanced culmination. Let’s burn it down!
I carefully perch my nose along the rim of the unsealed jar. I am greeted by a sprite of sweet round strawberry musk. A mighty mist resounds behind it, shaking out its permeating advances from every fiber. A chorus of funky brisk fruit pummels songs of effervescent tang into my palette. The aroma feels like its boiling, a hellstorm of energized terpenes wash over my nose as it sits in helpless surrender. Falling out from the bottom of the assertive canopy is the graceful allure of a sour funk. A mulchy earthen song rings out breathes of raw cheese. The creamy hideaway whips up into a bubbly froth. A sour tangy edge is applied to a skunked blade which perfectly mimics cheesecake. It is so exceptionally rare that a profile matches every aspect of a name, but truly, every arm of this strain’s identity is wonderfully pronounced.
But wait, there’s still more! Gently cradling this rich body is an afterglow of sunken moss. The nurturing bowl washes the profile in its renowned crispness. In hopes of enhancing the decadent advances of Strawberry Cheesecake, I tear the firm flower beneath my nostrils. A finger of fragile sour gas crawls out from the fracture. The skunk and tangy notes experience a wild emphasis. They remain independent, but explode equivocally. The convenient pairing causes me to recoil, unable to escape the perverted invasion of foul flavor. I become charmed by the permeating sour, moist, rawness of this resurgence. I cannot wait to see how these rich and willful terpenes translate into flavor!
Each calyx buds into an acute cone that towers much like a building in a Jack Skellington movie, you know, that forlorn rickety house perched upon a curling clifftop. Pulling out from the swirling scheme of verdancy is a screen of saturated stars. An unrelenting blizzard of trichomes has overtaken every inch of Strawberry Cheesecake. Like white veins plastered into the surface, I literally cannot escape the reflective glow of the milky white heads. The saturated profile leans into the resin glands to reflect its bronzed glory. While the flower demonstrates some extremely rich greens, the roaring tufts of hair boggart the aura. The stigmas are a wonderful burnt red that compliments the deep salad of greens naturally. The tendrils seem to exclusively keep to intense clusters, not holding much interest in standing alone. But the nests stand like roaring fires of antiquity wherever present.
The foliage is quite alluring as well, though it remains buried under a sea of trichomes and coiling stigmas. From what I can detect, Strawberry Cheesecake is predominately an enriched pear tossing into a shadowy moss. The profile is dark in large, but the stark contrast between the colors exudes a unique vibrance. For a sativa, these buds are shockingly dense. While the calyx does demonstrates a thin, elongated structure consistent with sativas; each bud is so firmly planted and dense, it is remarkable! While Strawberry Cough has always run a little dense as a strain, the combination with UK Cheese has unleashed new heights of density. Even at its thinnest sections, the buds are as reinforced as a concrete wall.
Leaf to flame, torrents of rushing steam pour into my mouth. I am quickly overwhelmed by the tempered ferocity. Each note of flavor is delivered with pinpoint accuracy, it felt like literal needles were dissolving into my tongue. The rich spears of zesty fruit pierce the fabric of a funky wet woodland. The sundering jets leave me vulnerable to the second component, a raiding party of voracious flavor. A biting sour skunk lies at the end of every cloud, nipping at my heels. Wrangling me further into the disorienting musty heart of Strawberry Cheesecake
There is a sweet sugary core at the heart of the fermenting fruity titan. A swirling confectionary dances with a light floral spice and a slick syrupy jet. This production is quite partial to its Strawberry Cough parent, but it is apparent in the ways that the UK Cheese steps forward. A hanging foresty foulness enhances the whirling whims of Strawberry Cough to leave it with an augmented punch. A deep impact is delivered in my chest hit after hit. The challenging prods are extremely satisfying and feel as though they are kneading the potent terpenes further into my being. As the bowl chars, a quashing herbal quality emerges. This component acts as a chilled landing pad for the discarded flavonoids. I smack my lips against the elusive grassy-chem finish, eager to pack another bowl.
A warm and fuzzy rise builds in my head. The warmth builds like the sun. As if a quieted desert horizon was being dropped onto my forehead as I was carted off on a magic carpet. A gentle cool licks my face, stunning me into a mindless expression. Motionless; mouth drawn and eyes wide with vacant wonder. A starfish of intense euphoria grapples my forehead and manages to transfuse through my skin. The strange guardian applies its intense healing properties to my mind.
I feel a soothing chill encroach on my mentality, calming and quelling any anxieties or doubts. I remain perfectly content while isolated in the tranquil grasp of Strawberry Cheesecake. I find it refreshing, though unusual for a sativa to introduce itself in such a kind manner. The self-awarding confidence generated eventually drives you into an acute delirium. I feel my physical body temperature increase as I indulge in the boundless splendors of this high. An exhilaration pumps through my heart as I willfully dive deeper into the whirring mechanics of this complex engine. It isn’t long before the muse of my bizarre inspiration outpaces my ability to keep up with it.
I find myself zoning out, tossed into mindless stupor. Numbed by the intense mental vibrations. There is a pleasant, meditative restitution bestowed upon those who weather the storm. Though, indulging in this level of intense disorientation for too long may be unpleasant to novices. But to me, it feels just like home.
Well, I’ll be damned. There wasn’t a single thing I didn’t like about this one. I hate agreeing with other critics, but Strawberry Cheesecake deserved every ounce of that victory…pun intended. Bubbly, fruity, musk dawned upon a spirit of immeasurable invention. There is so much to be discovered within the rewarding realm of this strain. Not to mention, that it accurately represented the influence of each of its parents! I cannot wait to get done with this article and enjoy some more! Haha! As always, thanks for reading!
Score: 97/100 points
Stay high and stay blessed,
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