Zkittlez by H.O.C.

toasted n’ posted proudly presents…

Zkittlez by House of Cultivar

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Zkittlez by House of Cultivar

Welcome back to toasted n’ posted where we appraise top tier terps! Today, we have another flavorful treat from House of Cultivar. Zkittlez is a strain that I’ve heard a lot about lately, so I feel very blessed to finally have an opportunity to become familiar. With all of the popularity surrounding this strain, you would expect its genetics to be common knowledge. Funny enough, even most databases have it labeled as a mysterious indica-dominant hybrid. One thing we do know about the history of this strain is that one of the parents was a cross of Grape Ape and Grapefruit. Perhaps my tastebuds can help unravel the mystery. Let’s dive in!

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I recklessly unscrew the smooth black cap. Gushing out of the vault is a waterfall of sweet, gummy, fruit. Each tangy droplet rebounds endlessly into my receptors. My nostrils are pummeled by knuckles of feathery, fruity, sour. The mouth-watering sensation is similar to fruit punch over ice carrying a strong lime accent. I become enchanted by the numbing shockwaves of luscious aroma. Following the path carved by the gushing fruity torrent is a gassy, floral, mist. I cringe as I embrace the satisfying sting of the honed herbal lance. I train myself to love the pain as the aggressive contrast allows me to revisit the tender succulence of the fruity precursor.



Beneath the lattice of raging fruity sour, is a bed of enlivening, fresh, wet, leaf. I feel as if I’m tossing about in a bed of spinach in the produce department of a grocery store. The benign cool of the scheduled mist rains down on my face. I sense a delicate veil of lavender razors looming in the distance. The culmination of these notes embodies a classic smoothie. Pulverized fruit in a bed of ice, a tangy cream, and a finish of floral gas. My throat is tilled by the rupturing introduction of the invisible, spicy, floral, blades. In disbelief that this fragrance could be antagonized, I tear the nugs under my nose. I find a demonstration of my dominance teaches the profile to behave. I am welcomed into a new realm of charming sweetness. I am swaddled in a blanket of sweet grains topped by an anonymous fruit spread. I get intermittent whiffs of a grape and blueberry. There is a strong consistency in the sugary, creamy, finish. I can’t wait to taste it!

Frosted little boulders come cascading out of the overturned jar. House of Cultivar usually grooms nothing but enormous buds, so I must assume that this is a trait of the phenotype. Come to think of it, Grape Ape is notoriously small budded as well. No discrimination here, especially when such bountiful arrays of color are being laid out before us. The body of Zkittlez is predominately painted a provocative lime and an electric pear. Swirling schemes of scintillating color fade into one another seamlessly.

The flower gives off an aura of tenderness, it appears to be quite fragile despite its alleged indica heritage. Forgive my ignorance, one quick squeeze will confirm its firm density. The buds are quite dense, but staggered and spread. The composition of the jagged petals compose a scraggly exterior that I mistook for fluff. That being said, the flowers come apart with a willful twist. Chasing across the dazzling greens are thin bolts born of a soft tangerine. An unruly network of skeleton-thin stigmas consume the flower like a makeshift cocoon. The occasional introduction of stark olive leaves allow me to truly appreciate the concentration of the trichome glands. Like milky stubble, prodding glands jut out creating networks of opaque obelisks. Most of the trichomes bear their heads, highlighting the canopy of tender tiger distortion.

Leaf to flame, my tongue soaks up rich waves of a smoky, sweet, cream. The body of the charming flavor entertains a tender berry twist. The fruit carries out a spicy, floral, expanse that degenerates into a tacky, gassy, sap. The potent mixture simmers into my tastebuds. I relish in the savory burn of the earthen berry reduction. I grind against a crust of sweet grain and sugary vanilla. I feel like I’m chomping on spoonfuls of blueberries and grapes tossed with smoky cornflakes. The sedating subtlety of this savory, sweet, and sugary treat is succeeded by an acute herbal spice. The floral herb burns me with a searing kiss of serrated citrus. I find the smoke now entertains a tongue-smacking woody grit to each exhalation. The morphing clouds continue to finish with a charred minty breeze.

I feel as if an obstacle was broken down in my mind. A geyser of tension is released in my head, I am overrun with relief. The flood of decompression felt so good that I felt my heart skip with exhilaration. My brain feels as if it was able to take a deep breath. The tension in my eyes dissolves, my face is relieved of all pressure. I’m not fully convinced my eyeballs are even attached anymore. I’d wager that they are just bobbing in place, perfectly balanced above their sockets.

The remainder of the body high feels like I just sat back into a cold concrete bench with no shirt on. The assuring chill and firm embrace become components of an ethereal Lazy Boy Chair tailored to your body. I find that plunging into the pillowy depths allows me to tap into a dormant well of energy. I use it to discover a pseudo-meditative state. I channel wild tangents of thought towards assessing my life and greater goals. The body high is strong-willed and possibly the most potent aspect of this high, but I find myself most drawn to the tactful pondering it inspires.


Once I feel that my body had been completely consumed by the cumbersome cocoon of Zkittlez, the otherworldly weight doubles up on my eyelids. I feel a warm, fuzzy, distortion crawl into my perspective. I feel as if my entire world is about to snuggle up next to a fireplace. I relax into the flickering euphoria as my consciousness teeters on my shoulders.


I find Zkittlez to be a welcome wellspring of belligerent introspection. The flavor and aroma are sure to snag you by your sweet tooth! There are so many things to love about Zkittlez, but I do believe there is a little room for improvement. I felt like the nose could’ve stood out more prominently and I felt the flavor tapered off more quickly than I would’ve liked. That being said, I was still blown away by the tender flavor and long-lasting high! As always, thanks for reading!

Zkittlez Total Score: 84/100 points

Stay high and stay blessed,

Kushman Bonglegs


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