toasted n’ posted presents…
Crash Test Dummy by Fifty Fold
Crash Test Dummy by Fifty Fold
Welcome back to toasted n’ posted, where I am overjoyed to bring you a production by Fifty Fold. While I consider Fifty Fold to be my father and the reason why I found cannabis worthy of review in the first place, I will set my personal bias aside for but a moment. Serendipitous enough, this was actually the first strain I’d ever tried by Fifty Fold some odd years ago on my virgin visit to Dockside Cannabis Shoreline. I got this anniversary strain from Dockside Shoreline, full circle! A spark in a grand experiment, we have Crash Test Dummy. The production we have before us heaves forth 27.12% THCA and not much else! I won’t bother to even attempt to uncover the lineage knowing first-hand how well Fifty Fold keeps their secrets. What we do have available to us, is that Crash Test Dummy is 60% indica and 40% sativa. With Fifty Fold, the buds look different than other recreational cannabis. They thrive with a paranormal vigor leading to a prolific high. Once again, asking no questions, I walk happily into another whopping strain from Fifty Fold.
I saw through the label and anxiously pry the medical seal from the well-secured jar. Secured with good reason, I am met with a flood of amicable fragrance. Streams of softened floral qualities rush over my senses. It was like receiving an unwilling massage from a meadow. This sensation is exactly what those ‘fresh spring’ dryer sheets hopelessly aim to capture. A delicate herbal air follows the freshly paved path. Claws of refreshing damp lurch forward, dripping with breaths of sodden moss. In the shadow of this menacing moss is a weakened wooden quality attached to a faint lingering skunk. I can run no longer, there must be more to discover!
I wildly shred the frosted foliage under my nose in desperate hunt of the unknown. A masked assailant steps out from the shadows. The somber assassin reveals an electric knife. A simple slice leads to a riveting chain reaction of pine emphasized syrupy citrus. The dormant demons within Crash Test Dummy have been unleashed. The undisturbed presence of Crash Test Dummy proves to be quite austere in contrast to the lively spikes it hurls once antagonized.
The revolutionary resurgence whips up wild notes of flavor from all across the board. Sweet berry gravel kicks in the wake, carried further by an explosive and unsettling flowery expanse. It takes everything in my power not to sneeze all over my specimen while I examine it. Once the aroma charms its way into your sinuses, you are held in a stranglehold of tingling congestion. I feel my nasal passages pulse and swell from the sheer pungency of this fragrance. Once the excitement settles down, the initial wafting cool mist stakes its claim once again. Just the lightest tease of gassiness skulks in the background waiting for an opportune moment to strike again.
Crash Test Dummy may have volunteered for one test too many, this bud appears radioactive! An ungodly hue of ghostly lime pulses outward its unsettling aura. The color is so shocking, so bizarre, you can’t help but become prisoner to its enchanting gaze. Blazing parakeet rips paths through pockets of electrified fern. These colors are an unlikely pair to provide an outstanding compliment to the trichomes. The trichomes are the true show stealers, each gland has been manicured carefully. A rich, milky hue defines every section of the trichome. They rank in close proximity, most with heads intact. The volume of trichomes combined with their provocative hue appear to be a liquid drizzled onto the flower like a Caesar dressing. If you blur your eyes, you may notice the rich resin dripping from the shelves of these leafy greens.
Dancing with the stark contrast are sprawling tendrils painted a tanned orange. The stigmas are bulky and weave around each other crafting wild ornaments. I’m sure Rorschach could design a test from the spectrum of shapes and trellises forged by these intermingling hairs. The bud structure is quite unique as well. For an indica, the ambition of this flower is quite spread and airy. Airy in the way that this bud maintains a weight similar to styrofoam, I feel like I have superhuman strength when handling the feathery buds. While the bud structure is sprawling and somewhat delicate, the literal flower maintains a modest density. Though they give in immeadiately when faced with a light squeeze. For an indica-dominant hybrid it appears to take largely after its sativa parent.
Leaf to flame, a sweet, broad, bite emulating a savory, spicy sandalwood swings itself boldly into my tastebuds. A satisfying rich, hashy smack sends ripples of flavor across my tongue. Within an instant my pallet was lost to this dark hashy reality. As I analyze and adjust to my new world, I feel a rewarding sweetness bleed through the peppered hashy abyss. Subdued earthen berry pools at the basin of this rich herbal swamp. This note seems to ferment and molt into a spicy red wine of sorts. What began as sweetness often sifts to sour and allows the bulky kushy qualities to topple over and redefine the presence. The flavor is very much a one-sided game of tug o’ war. Anytime I discover a refreshing enclave in which I can catch a breath, the rich landslide bulldozes over any temporary sanctuary provided.
I feel foolish for ever doubting any indica ambition in this flower. The come up is misleading on a charming uplifting arc, but I will soon be prisoner to my couch. The high begins with a comfortable pressure building throughout your muscles, centralized in your skull. Comparable to an internal airbag was deployed in your body. I find when the pressure builds to its designed limit, it cracks like an egg. This sends a typhoon of euphoria cracking through your limbs, ripping around your ligaments. Immense physical pleasure is provided in short success to the uplifting styrofoam insurgency. While awake by some definition, I feel lost. My mind is hopelessly bobbing about the lightweight water cooler that was formerly my head. It is almost as if I can hear my thoughts splash from side to side as I move my head. A disarming warmth swells atop my head. A lighthouse built as an emblematic beacon atop the restless sea that has become my mind. I figure this strain ideal for rendering yourself useless and catching some quality rays in the sun. For a hybrid, the high at any degree will leave you teetering on the edge of reality.
Prepare for the Hellstorm!!
Fifty Fold brings quality herb to the table every time. I look to them to define what is expected of competitive ‘top shelf’ cannabis at the higher price points. This is one of the less popular strains, but to test a producer’s value, you must try their weaknesses. Even their less popular strains are of the utmost highest quality. Consistency is key for a top shelf brand that hopes to succeed in the state of Washington and Fifty Fold has that in spades. You can steal some for yourself at Dockside Cannabis! With great budtenders, like Matt, you will receive the expertise and care you deserve! Fifty Fold is churning out an array in fresh goodies in January, so be sure to check in then! As always, thanks for reading!
Crash Test Dummy Total Score: 93/100
Stay high and stay blessed,
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