Alaskan Thunder Fuck by Clandestine Gardens

toasted n’ posted presents…

Alaskan Thunder Fuck by Clandestine Gardenscapture15

ATF by Clandestine Gardens

It’s the SUPERBOWL, so its time to Toast n’ Post another super bowl. I apologize for the distance between this post and the last, I’ve just been super busy. But I am absolutely stoked to bring you a very well-known strain Alaskan Thunder Fuck. Most are aware of this strain’s existence from the peculiar name alone. I remember it as a majestic strain that I tried for the first time years ago, sitting in a van in a very dangerous neighborhood in New Orleans. I actually sought this out and found a great production from Clandestine Gardens. Since I enjoyed their Velvet Kush so much I can only expect what great qualities they bring to the surface in their ATF.

Clandestine’s ATF boasts an extremely high THCA content of 30.5%. Unlike some strains whose names don’t speak much to the origin, ATF was created in Alaska. However, I have heard that it is a legendary strain from California that was brought up north and bred into this powerhouse hybrid of ATF. This production has no CBD so I fully expect this strain to be a rocket into space with the lack of a landing pad or parachute. Let’s do it.


Alaskan Thunder Fuck comes in large dense nuggets wrapped in dark green foliage. The underside of this volatile verdancy is illuminated by a symphony of gold played by the abundance of trichomes. The top of each leaf brandishes its heroic green hues as it wars against the endless waves of trichomes seeking to overwhelm the natural color of the leaf. Pristinely clear trichomes capture glimmers of light and reflect it in a keen sparkle. Long hairs barrel out like the tusks of the mighty mammoth. The ice age flower is consumed in a tangled vortex of dark bronze, nearly crimson hairs. Even under this woven mask of tendrils, the trichomes stand tall resembling strips of velcro.

The mellow odor slowly but consistently penetrates your nostrils and fills your sinuses with its earthy base. The smell resembled a grassy mud filled meadow torn up after a storm. This bud wreaks of lively wet, pulsing earth. A light sweetness sits at the epicenter of this woodland whirlpool. At the very bottom, there are notes of dank pungency, a skunky hash. With the friendly invitation of an empty freshly misted soccer field, I couldn’t wait to play on this baby.



I gather the courage to test the breath from this titan of the tundra. Flame to leaf, I was surprised that I was not dominated, but invited into the woodsy realm of this smoke. A crisp Narnia, I could almost taste the frosted earth of Alaska curved by a subtle sweetness. The sweetness was one I would describe as a woodland flavor, yet sweet like the sap of a tree and all of its essence. As the earthy confectionery takes the stage, it summons a skunky partner to reinvigorate this THC fueled waltz. Before I knew it, I was getting besieged with a strong hashy battering ram concealed under the kind qualities of ATF. My castle doors were stormed and I was nailed with some wicked coughing. I was powerless to the tsunami of resin and hashy candy.

The longer you smoke ATF the thick earthy body fades more and more into a sea of sucrose sweetness. Eventually, the bowl became nothing more than a stew of sweetened hash disguised as flower. While this strain has proved to be far more inviting than its name implies as far as terpenes go, this baby will send you into extreme coughing fits. I can best describe this smoke as car chase, but you’re pursuing a character like James Bond or Batman. The clouds are formidable at first, but you start to gain on them…closer and closer you get to taming the strong-minded traits of this flower. Just as you are about to catch up to your nemesis, WHAMM!!! They deploy the candy flavored oil slicks, taken by the forward hashy nuance, you careen off of the road into a euphoric bubble. That may be nonsensical to some, but I don’t care thats how I feel. I took a picture of myself to see if I looked as high as I felt…you be the judge.Screen Shot 2017-02-05 at 4.34.47 PM.png


I must reemphasize the ferocity of these coughing fits, I thought it was a hard cougher before the second bowl. Hhhooommy God. This strain will clear your sinuses like no other. The funny thing is, this strain smokes as smooth as a devil the whole time you’re coughing your brains out. I was keeled over from an intense coughing fit, but when I composed myself and stood up…I was in a different reality. Awoken by a gentle touch from the thick comforting haze that blanketed the world, wafting through my ears and into my brain. Standing still in the sea of calm, invisible ethereal waves crashed into my sides and massaged them into numbness. I was able to interpret what was happening because the sativa aspects of this flower perform well and keep you active and awake throughout the whole duration of the other potent sensations. As my body faded into oblivion, I could still control my extremities with proficiency. I felt as though I consciously receded into my mind’s eye which perched carefully onto my seemingly foreign shoulders. The open world also seemed altered, an enhanced contrast between colors and a gentle mist seemed to enhance the mild rainfall of this Seattle afternoon. The mild changes in surroundings I could envision as being off-putting or anxiety triggers for some, but I found it exciting.capture12


Clandestine Gardens received the rare showcase of two strain reviews back to back and boy, did they deserve it. I am now confident that anything they produce is worthy of my smoke session and I appreciate the time they take with curing their flower. Many don’t appreciate the necessity of curing in the production process. The bud crumbles at the touch and every trichome is clear and stands out defiantly against the leafy foliage. If this was kindergarten, Clandestine Gardens would receive a Gold Star. ATF is a great sativa that smokes like a heavy bodied hash. Alaskan Thunder Fuck is a comfortable vehicle to be launched into space in and I welcome it back into the orbit of my life anytime.


Stay high and stay blessed,

Kushman Bonglegs



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