toasted n’ posted presents…
Stoner Etiquette – A Stoney Survival Guide
With the dawn of the age of recreational cannabis, I worry much of the tradition and some stoner values seem to have been lost in the unadulterated desire to get high. With the explosive market supplying new smoking methods, a wider availability of different paraphernalia, and even different stuff to smoke!
In my mind, a large part of what makes a stoner, is the journey and their ritual. The ridiculous stories, moments of vile serendipity, currying favor with strange dealers, and the logic defying things you’ve done in order to “pick up.” Through the flames of embarrassment and a series of underdog victories these experiences temper you into a full fledged stoner. These bizarre tribulations teach you to truly value and treasure your weed. Most older generation smokers have gone to great lengths and survived multiple horrors to preserve their relationship with our green buddies. The emotional roller coaster of being a participating member of the Cannabis community during prohibition and the attitudes it calls for, I fear will be lost with it’s now insane accessibility. Whether this is true or just the speculations of a change-fearing stoner, only time will tell.
One thing I have noticed these days, is that there is a large lack of etiquette amongst today’s potheads. I wanted to use this post as a way to outline etiquette in the ever-changing world we live in today. There are some carnal rules some ‘newer’ stoners may not be aware of…
Puff (puff) Pass
Puff, puff, pass is the foundation of all smoking. With glass pieces or anything that hasn’t been rolled you are encouraged to take only one hit before you pass left. This ensures that everybody in the circle will get a better chance at green ‘terpy’ hits and not just a salad of roasted leaves over ash. When smoking a joint or a blunt, you hit it twice. The only exception I can imagine is if the person who ‘put up’ the flower taking a few extra hits in a large rotation when they are certain they will never see their baby again.
Keep the Rotation
It truly doesn’t matter which way the rotation goes as much as the fact that it stays in the chosen pattern. It’s easier to go left since that is what reggae and rap music has decided for us. When in doubt, sing it out. “Pass the dutchie to the left hand siiide…” If you ignore the rotation or people shuffle their positions around it will lead to skipped hits and an overall tone of insanity.
Take the First Hit (Roller’s Rights)
Those who roll, make sure that the smoke will happen. Therefore rollers are treasured and are offered Roller’s Rights. This includes: lighting the joint or blunt if he or she so chooses, and the extra hits to ensure that the paper plane will burn smoothly throughout it’s flight.
Leave Green Hits (cornering)
Now for glass users, you should use the best of your lighter skills to leave any green that you aren’t going to immeadiately inhale. Torching a whole bowl is a crime for many reasons; the bowl will roast away during passing with a massive cherry, it depletes many precious terpenes that technically no one got to enjoy, and it’s just plain rude!
If you do claim one of your bowl or joint’s last lives be sure to let the next person know. There is nothing worse than preparing your lungs for a delicate breath and receiving a cloud of black plaguey ash. It is considered common courtesy to let the next person make an educated decision on whether to pack a fresh bowl or make the most of the one already packed and take their chances. Same rules apply as a joint or blunt dwindles closely to the filter…smoking filter sucks. If there is a noticeable chunk of singed bud in the bowl that you don’t feel comfortable wasting but still want to be appetizing to the next smoker you offer to sprinkle some ‘greens’ or kief on top to liven it up!
Slobber free, please?
There are many terms for this, but the main thing is just to be aware of how much saliva you produce as a human. If you know you are one slobbery sonuvabitch, spend the moment prior to your turn preparing a levy against your flood of slime. While we are all fine sharing the same joint, we don’t want to feel like we are being tongue kissed and overpowered by your saliva. Slobber is almost more noticable with glass because it doesn’t get absorbed by the paper, it is just a veil of DNA evidence waiting to bless the next in line. It’s gross and unsanitary even if you and your smoking buddies are age old friends. If you are sick and insist on smoking with other people, lightly roast the mouthpiece with your lighter after your hits to help kill some of the germs with heat.
Join in on the fun!
The location of a smoke circle is nearly as important as those who are partaking in it. If someone wants to join your preexisting smoke circle there are a few factors to take into account:
- Do they have weed to throw? If someone you have no rapport with is trying to join a vibing sesh with no weed…it is one of the most frustrating things I have experienced. You don’t want to be rude, but you also want to enjoy the nug you worked for…it can be a tough position to put someone in.
- Make sure that the group will not have to make special accommodations because ‘you’ are smoking now. I’ve had people join and insist that the bong didn’t fit their mouth and want to use a different one. There are folks who have weed, but are too lazy to roll or throw in. It is a part of a stoner’s job to recognize when you are too needy and need to just start a fresh sesh of your caliber.
- If you are going to join an existing sesh, contribute to the vibe! Don’t just shoulder your way into the circle and stand there like a creep. Share your energy with the group!
Hit and Run
Never ever ever hit and run. This is the ultimate violation of stoner code and should be avoided at all costs. Unless someone is on their way out and you coax them to hit it before they leave, I hope this never should occur. Smoking is a profound ritual to me and I find such obliviousness to be the pinnacle of rudeness.
A Canoe! What to do…
If you notice a joint or blunt is starting to burn severely unevenly on either side, you need to either fix the canoe or immediately pass it to someone who knows how to. Do not just take your hits in the name of greed and sacrifice the life and longevity of the paper. It should get passed right back to you once the canoe is fixed so there is no need to frantically cram your hits in and ruin the joint.
Return the Favor
Getting smoked out is no big deal when you are out of trees. In fact, the sharing aspect of the stoner community is part of what makes it so amazing. But if time after time, you show up with no weed and expect to get smoked out for free…that is unacceptable. If you have no idea where to get bud you should offer your smoke buddy a couple dollars. If your friend refuses, then that may be the end of it. But always offer. Reciprocate in the form of food, drinks, or cigarillos if your friend is absurdly noble and refuses your offers constantly. You give to get, or at least that is the way it should be.
Keep it Private, Value your Connect.
A relationship with a dealer is sacred. It takes one loudmouth to completely ruin a connect for many, so only give out dealer information if you feel comfortable you can trust the person with the elicit details. Your supplier most likely takes on some risk to service you and that should be respected. It is also rude to constantly ask the prices of someone’s flower or where they got it if it makes them visually uncomfortable. Trust is something that is tirelessly earned in the weed community and is all-too often betrayed. If you love your friend’s stuff so much that you have them ‘middle-man’ then don’t ask how much they paid for it, the middleman did the work and is entitled to a small cut for their troubles.
Be considerate of house rules when outside your personal stoner den
Most stoners are a docile bunch and wouldn’t dare upset a host that has allowed them into their home to smoke…however, sometimes people act before they think. When smoking at a new location make sure to know where it is okay to smoke, ash, and recycle. After a prolonged sesh there are inevitably stems, shake, cans, plates, and everything under the sun on your coffee table and guests should make some effort, however small, to clean up in the wake of their stoney destruction.
Time goes by….so..slowly…Maybe when you’re smoking and caught up in your own story, but every second of real time is burning away precious THC. If you notice you are about to make a long-winded statement or tell a story while it is your turn to hit the doobie, take one massive last pull and pass that baby. The blunt shouldn’t live and die by your story, and if anything, passing it along will force your audience engage in your story…even if you’ve undoubtedly told them fives times before.
This example of storytelling is still relevant, but seems outdated in comparison with iPhone usage. Everyone is on their phone all the time and I want to claw out my eyes every time I see a blunt burn away because someone is a Snapchat celebrity. Letting the air burn away all of the weed for a Snapchat story is ludicrous. Unforgivable.
(Not this kind of lighter thief…)
Don’t Bic Me!
Somebody pass me a lighter, I cannot stop getting bicked. An understanding of bhuddism and karmatic circles may help you, but a lighter leash will help you more. It is inevitable. At some point in every pothead’s life they accidentally pocket a lighter that isn’t theirs…The question you need to ask yourself is…am I a serial lighter thief? Do you wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night fishing bounties of foreign lighters out of your pockets? Getting baked comes with certain oversights and all I can ask is that you do your best not to take a lighter that isn’t yours…especially if you didn’t even show up with one.
Self explanatory. Everyone has different strains, opinions, and ways to smoke. Smoking is a comfortable way for many different minds to merge for a moment. Do not desecrate this moment of peace and brotherhood with pea-cockiness and chauvinistic acts. We’re all just trying to chill.
Wake Up, People!
They have it. You want it. But dealers and marijuana smokers in general are people too who often like to sleep in. If you do not have explicit permission, I wouldn’t chance bothering a dealer before noon. If you annoy them too much, you could get cut off completely. I know some hot-headed folks that would be quick to do something like that if you rubbed them the wrong way.
Get Smoked Out ‘the right way’
If you have no flower and you accept an invitation to smoke, let the people throwing in know ahead of time that you have none. I can’t tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of this unfortunate surprise. Showing up with no trees is often not a big deal, but for those with tight belts and small budgets it could be the death of a stash.
You break it, you bought it.
I saved the saddest, most solemn event for last. In case of bong/bowl breakage, the breaker is encouraged to pay the owner a portion of the piece’s value if not replace it entirely. You are welcome to replace it with a piece of relative cost at the choice of the owner. Otherwise, I don’t think is fair to pay in cash the full value of the used glass’ retail, but I believe half or a third is a generous gesture and should leave you guys ‘square.’
All that being said, all my views aren’t shared by the whole community and am skewed to my own experience. But I know for certain, that stoners bond so quickly because we share so many of these experiences and smoking related casualties. Some of these points may seem overzealous, but I wanted to try and shed light on every possible fallacy I could think of. I hope you all enjoyed the read. May this guide help you further your journey, young Jedi. Please share any stoner pet peeves or quality rules that I missed!
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